Being a Stay at Home Mom...

I needed to write today. So I gave Amali my highest heels, and Cinco his favorite toy in his vibrating chair. I might get 5 minutes.

Why do I stay home with my kids? Somedays, I wonder. My job never ends. I almost said from sunup to sundown, but in actuality my time is devoted to my children and husband even when the moon is shining in the dark of night. If my kids need me, which they do almost 24 hours a day right now, I am here. I keep brains contemplating, character building, the house orderly, the clothes clean, I keep bellies fed, I keep budgets intact, I keep my hive buzzing. Always. And I love it. I love the smiles I get from Cinco when he hears my voice or looks into my eyes. I love Amali's bossy attitude because I know she gets that from me. I love my husband for the endless hours he works, for the constant drive to provide for us better and better each day.

Most days, I feel overwhelming love and contentment from being at home with my two kids and dogs, but there are somedays, like today, I miss... myself.

I read on one of those silly pinterest blocks "You think you have it so hard to keep a house and kids? I do all that too plus I have a full time job." Well, it pissed me off. That is honestly bullshit. I am in no way saying that it is easy to work full time and have children. But it is hard in different ways, and that sentence is so disrespectful to the moms that put chose to raise their children at home. There is a difference being at home all day long, everyday. Trust me.

Staying at home means you no longer make decisions based on yourself. It means your entire world is filled with "why?" "what's next?" "I'm hungry." "watch this!" and "let's do a puzzle." It means comfortable clothes and shoes, and in no way being fashionable or cute. It means strictly living on one income in a world that barely lives on two plus all the credit they can get. It means park play dates, rocks and dirt all over your house, stepping on crayons, and peanut butter in the most incredible places. It means hugs all day. It means hearing your daughter sing her ABC's the right way for the first time. It means learning colors, shapes, how the world turns, and who Jesus is. It means hearing your child singing to her little brother when you walk into a room. It means prayers over lunch that include being thankful for seeing Auntie. It means my hobbies of writing and sewing are on the bottom of the priority list. It means painting toenails, even though they will get messed up or chewed off in the next 24 hours. It means a house that needs more help then we have time to give. It means adding too much lime juice to dinner, but your sweet husband telling you it turned out good anyway. It means grocery shopping with a kangaroo pouch and chocolate milk and gum. It means imagination and fairy tales. It means lots and lots of canning so we have summer vegetables year round. It means blue eyes asking for fruit snacks. It means missing my girlfriends. It means making everyday special for the ones you love, especially my husband. It means being forty pounds overweight after pregnancy. It means Netflix Pilates. It means no more me, but the growth of a new generation that can be positive and wonderful keepers of the earth if I so teach them. It means popcorn for lunch, and popsicles for dinner. It means constant bouncing and swaying. It means smelling like milk. It means smelling my babies breath after a yawn. It means diapers, it means pee in the bed and in the floor. It means changing clothes 8 times a day. It means mud dough and caterpillar friends. It means underwear and socks on the floor everyday. It means 2 loads of dishwasher dishes and 3 loads of laundry, done with one hand. It means keeping your kid from coloring on the walls. It means laying in bed at night hoping for some uninterrupted mommy and daddy time. It means painting for an entire day, including bodies, floors, chairs, and paper. It means Dora, it means Kipper, it means Angelina. It means Facebook is my reach into the adult world at times. It means drool, tears, and poop. It means swings, tree houses, makeshift drums, and bugs. (And all of this in just one day, tomorrow brings another set of adventures...)

It means I am no longer me. I am four.

playing outside

talking to toys